On October 14, 2015, my 24th birthday, I wrote a love letter to myself. I won’t lie. I felt weird doing it. Maybe due to the fact that I don’t say “I Love You” enough to myself.
If At All.
But I needed to write this letter to physically renew my relationship with Jessica Jones.
The one who gets used up like a phone that burns out before your two year contract is up. Or the Jessica Jones that constantly passes go and never has the time to collect her $200.
The greatest expression you can show is love. And it’s better to show someone that you love them instead of just saying it.
I mean how can I show that I love others, if I can’t even love myself? #ShowNotJustTell
Well through this letter, I needed to physically show love by writing in love to myself.
So if you need to put into action some self-love, these are the lessons I learned from my first time writing in love to myself.
Lesson Learned #1: No Lies. No Lies. No Lieeesss.
In order to write in love, I got to be honest with myself.
Cheating yourself out of anything and everything.
Cause that’s a lie saying that you don’t deserve the WHOLE shebang
Making up excuses for your past and present shortcomings, failures, mistakes, (insert your own name for them here), etc.
Cause those are lies saying that in order to make yourself feel better, you gotta brush it under the rug and be ashamed about it.
Constructing a false reality about yourself to make yourself feel better
That’s a lie.
Saying that you live life to the fullest but in actuality you are living a life without purpose
You lyin’ through your teeth.
If this sounds harsh, it’s because I know I’ve done all of these things consciously and unconsciously too. And if I am able to do these things to myself, then of course I can do it to others.
By lying to yourself, you’re lying to others and you become a part of the Great Circle of Lies #nasevenya
Even Simba lied to himself to escape the pain of the past. He knew who he was, but due to his self-guilt, he found it easy to chillax with Timon and Pumbaa.
Because lying is easy. Keeping up the lie is the hard part.
So write in love by writing in honesty. Don’t shield yourself from yourself by building a Spartan wall made of lies. Kick out the lies.
Write out your insecurities.
Write out your failures.
Because once you are honest to yourself, you don’t need to make up the lies and consciously or unconsciously become someone else.
Lesson Learned #2 : Be Comfortable With Your Past
My past has a tendency to sideswipe me on a daily basis. And as a 90’s kid, I learned that you “gotta put your past behind you”. Not dwell in it all the live long day. And in order to leave the past behind me and move on, I had to be comfortable waking up the sleeping dogs where they lie.
As for me, in order to leave the past behind me and move on, I got to be comfortable waking up the sleeping dogs where they lie.
Meaning | I had be comfortable learning from my past even if it causes me trouble.
In college, I learned of the Sankofa bird which means “it is not wrong to go back for that which you have forgotten.”
Meaning | It’s not wrong to go back into the past and learn or relearn a lesson or two from it.
In order to learn these lessons, I had to learn to be comfortable with my past.
The past is a dwelling place. A place of stagnation. A repetition of fading memories. Learn the lessons that you need to progress then move on.
Writing in love is learning to be comfortable with your past. To not dwell in it. But to learn from it in order to move forward.
In the Great Circle of Lies, even Simba had to learn how to be comfortable with his past. He had to learn it on his own since Timon and Pumbaa didn’t believe his past role as a prince. Hell even Mufasa was like,
“Simba, you’ve forgotten me. Now I gotta show up and tell you about yourself.”
He needed the past as a reminder to move forward in order to go woop Scar’s ass and reclaim his hometown. And like Simba, we all need reminders either for an upcoming work meeting, a lunch date or to study for a history quiz.
And though we may not have Mufasa reminding us about ourselves, cause that would be awesome, let your past be a reminder by writing in love and being comfortable learning from the past in order to keep moving forward.
Lesson Learned #3: This Is Just The Start
This first letter is just the start. And technically, it’s is a over a month old. But it’s the beginning of future reformations of what it means to love and be in love with onesself.
Toward the end of my Jordan year, #23, I was disappointed due to my unmet expectations and what felt like purposeless living. But as I was re-reading my love letter, I realized how proud I am of myself by taking the initiative in my own self-growth.
Personal Growth is a Process not a Microwavable Action
I’m not growing by sheer willpower. Cause even your willpower can burnout. But I’m learning to grow in love.
Because through loving myself,
I naturally grow.
I naturally better myself and my present circumstances.
I naturally achieve my goals.
Love is an action. Write in love in and grow in it. Let your writing be a mind dump. It doesn’t have to be perfect. Mine isn’t and I refuse to edit it. Because every word that I wrote was written in love.
Show yourself love by writing in it.
Write in love by being honest with yourself.
Write in love by being comfortable with your past.
Write in love by growing in it in order to see yourself progress.
Whether it is a sentence, a paragraph or fully stylized letter, write in love to yourself, because you are the first person that you should love. All day. Everyday.Whether it is a sentence, a paragraph or fully stylized letter, write in love to yourself, because you are the first person that you should love. All day. Everyday.
For solidarity, here is my letter that I wrote on October 14, 2015.
I, Jessica Jones, promise from here on out to love you, to strive to make you achieve your goals, to help you not cut corners or make excuses for your failures, to love every inch of you physically, emotionally and mentally, to always find ways to take care of you before you even burnout, to trust and push you to transform and change our realities knowing that you will make it better. That I need to love you, Jessica, as you are right now today as well as who you’ve been from as far back as we can remember to this exact point in our timeline. I can’t expect anyone to love you or know you better than I can even though you may want to.
So today, as we commit to loving each other, thank you for our relationship thus far. And know that once we fully accept and love each other, that we will grow and become who we both want to be. I love you, Jessica and I always will despite the body issues and insecurities, the failures and disappointments as well as other storms we have and will weather in the future. We will grow from them together and embrace the beauty of our combined forces of past, present and future.
Thank you Jessica for our past experiences even all of our dumb and life threatening mistakes. You are not a failure. We are not failures. Fuck the what ifs and let’s embrace that we are alive and still have time to make more mistakes and successes and life changing experiences. As we complete another milestone of life, the world still turns (you remember that soap) however chaotically it may spin. But we are still here as we accept and love each other forever and always.
In Peace and Love,